I can say without a doubt, good riddance 2013. We have all heard the term, it's not how you start but how you finish. Well, I finished 2013 on a down note, just like several years prior.
2013 was a transition year for me. I had to publicly deal with some issues that were private. These issues brought me some shame and caused me to evaluate myself in regards to other peoples and most importantly God. Introspection is good if one deals with the things that arise and use it as a catalyst for change. Hopefully a change for the better.
The apostle Peter comes to mind and how he had to deal with the "weighty" issue of having denied knowing Jesus. My mind tries to imagine Peter sitting somewhere by himself wanting to die, and I'm sure he did. But I also imagine Peter, remembering all that he had experienced with Jesus before his denial and all that he had heard and done while with the other apostles when they were sent forth. It was those things that kept him from succumbing to the attacks of Satan. The internal struggles Peter had were now out in the open. How would he respond?
Did Peter struggle with his identity? Did Peter question his decision to 'follow Him'? Yes. I too have struggled to find my identity in Gods plan for me and what He would have me to do. I too, by my actions, have at times denied The Christ. I too have wept and questioned my decision to 'follow Him'.
"In the moment" I did not know what to do. All this conflict and turmoil that appeared in others and kept so neatly contained within, by me, has come rushing forward. Deal with me, deal with me it says. I realized that if I'm to talk about the peace of God and love and joy and all things that are God, then I need to have those virtues that are part of Gods character, a part of me.....FIRST.
What do I want for 2014? This could take a while. Just kidding.
I want to rely more on the God who created me. No!! I want to totally rely on Him.
I want to connect with more people who are 'God oriented' and are driven to serve Him and only Him.
I want to expand my reach into the community for His kingdom purposes.
The spiritual battles will go on and the flesh will seek its own times to rise up but.....
God is still God and He knows all that will happen to me before it happens.
Nothing happens to me without His permission.
Peter came to this realization and once he did, well, you know the results. He become the man God intended him to be. Only by faith and obedience.
I've questioned God more than I should have this past year. For the coming year I want to thank Him more. I want to lay down any rights I think I may have and really embrace what He wants.
I want to recognize His Lordship over all things and know that He is in control.
So, 2013, I bid thee adieu.