My time was fast coming to an end, and I did not know what to do. Life was passing by, but slowly. In a room full of people I felt as if I was alone. Making my way to the exit I sneak a glance over my right shoulder and cross the threshold. Hoping, wishing and praying, I descend the stairs two, three at a time. What is the use? I've turned the corner in this relationship and the only benefit is NOW the healing can begin. Turning the page will be easier said than done.
Fast forward three months
I switched off my phone, radio and laptop, sitting in virtual silence with the only noise being life outside my house doors. Suddenly I felt the weight of life. You never know what you've got till it's gone. Life these past three months has been like night and day. Not a day passed when I did not awaken under the weight of the present, not wanting to face the cold fact that I had to make peace with God.
There had been moments of joy, sure. But they were few and far between the constant wrestling going on in my conscience. How much could a man take; literally, how much could a body and mind endure? In whom could I confide? What has become of me?
Raw truth was invading my reality and I tried to push it out of my mind. No! Now is the time to face myself and God. The hound of heaven was pursuing me and I would have to be foolish to think I could outrun him. God was now calling me.
Deep down within I knew I could no longer live with the person I had become these past few months. (Emotional, angry, irrational, fearful, frustrated.)
Seeking the peace that can only come from God, I bowed my head and prayed.
Feeling inadequate, I got off my couch and slowly made my way to the floor and lay prostrate. There were few words I could say other than , "Lord help me." I asked for HIS forgiveness and then I shut my mouth. It took some time to clear away the noise within my mind and spirit, but HE eventually won out and I found myself at peace.